This blog post is going to be a little different than what you are used to seeing here. Normally, this blog is for crafting, creating and decorating your home, but I felt the need to write how this whole journey began for me. I’ve shared a little bit in my bio, but I would like to share the whole story and how I have been crafting through grief. My hope is that it will inspire and help someone who is in the grieving process too and that they can find a way to heal.
It all began back in 2014 when I lost my Mom to cancer. My Mom was my role model and literally my best friend. In April of 2014 my Mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and 4 months later she was gone. I watched my Mom who was always so full of life and was this positive light for everyone, become this weak and frail person. She was so sick and in so much pain and I felt so helpless.
I still remember the day sitting in the hospital waiting room with my whole family while my Mom was undergoing an exploratory surgery to find out what was wrong with her. The Doctors came out and gave us the devastating news that she had cancer and it had spread everywhere. A huge mass was found on her liver and pancreas. I thought to myself, how is this possible? Only a few months ago she was fine! My family and I were in complete disbelief. The advice they gave us was to keep her comfortable and treasure every moment because people with pancreatic cancer go fast. REALLY? THAT’S IT? I had so many mixed emotions. Anger, denial, shock, sadness. This was the worst news that I could ever hear.
I had so many mixed emotions. Anger, denial, shock, fear, sadness.
I remember sitting with Mom when she found out the news and how scared she was. She told me, “Nikki, I don’t want to die. I can’t imagine not being here and leaving my family.” Of course, I felt the same way. I didn’t want to lose my Mom. This is the thing that I dreaded my whole entire life and here I was having this talk with her. My heart was breaking, but I had to be strong for her. Mom spent the next 3 months in the hospital hooked up to machines and feeding tubes, until she finally said no more and that she wanted to go home.
We brought her home on hospice. I spent everyday with her because I knew our days together were numbered and I didn’t want to miss a second that I had left with her. I think we had some of the best talks ever during that time. We talked about so many things and memories over all the years.
I studied every part of here. Her hands, her feet, her face…everything! I didn’t want to forget anything about her. During this time, I felt like a little girl again. I wanted to touch her and remember her scent. I would crawl into bed with her and cuddle up with her like I used to when I was little. Even though she was so sick, she still tried to make me feel better asking me if I was alright. She was a Mom until the very end. Always worried about everyone else and somehow managed to continue smiling through it all. She lasted 3 weeks on hospice.
July 31, 2014 is a day that I will never forget. To say that I was devastated is an understatement. The night before, my 2 brothers and I slept on the couch near her bedside. I woke up to use the restroom and noticed that her breathing was different. I woke up my brothers and told them that something wasn’t right. We all 3 gathered around her and held her hand and rubbed her forehead and told her how much we loved her. A few minutes later she passed away peacefully. It was like a scene in a movie. It was a moment that I will never forget. I was so thankful that I was there to send her off to heaven. How lucky could I be? She was there to welcome me into this world and I was there when she left it. It was a precious moment, but I was devastated. My Mom was gone. What was I going to do.
It was a moment that I will never forget. She was gone and what was I going to do.
The next few months were a blur. I was trying to figure out how to go through life without her. I cried…EVERYDAY! Mom and I spoke to each other every single day on the phone. Not once or twice, but literally about 5 times a day. It was so hard not having her to talk to. I felt so lost and alone, even though I had my family. It was just different. It was a loneliness that only your Mom could fix. My person was gone.
My Mom was a crafter pretty much her whole life. She loved to create. She was good at sewing, crocheting, creating a beautiful home… EVERYTHING! She loved her house and she loved to decorate it. I seriously think she was the wallpaper queen back in the 80’s! She taught me all the things. We crafted together out in the backyard shed that my Dad built for her. We did tons of craft shows together and let me tell you that they were such fun times! I have such great memories and I’m so thankful for those times. I knew that I needed to snap out of my depression and get back to what made me happy. I knew that’s what Mom would want.
I found my Joy again.
I found in the moments that when I was crafting and creating, I was happy. It brought me close to my Mom and I felt that she was there with me. I started talking to her while I was crafting too. Even asking for her help and advice. I know it may sound strange, but it helped. I was finding joy again! All of a sudden a light bulb went off in my head and I thought if crafting is getting me through a difficult time, then maybe it could help others too! I decided to start a Facebook page and at first I called it, “The Scroungin’ Mama.” Why that name you ask? Well, because when Mom would call me up to go shopping she would ask if I wanted to go Scroungin. That usually meant a trip to the thrift store.
Fast forward to a few years later when I decided to change my name to Create Make Decorate with Nikki. I felt that it made more sense to people and it fits me perfectly. It’s all the things that I like to do and it’s all the things that Mom taught me. Little did I know that years ago when Mom and I would craft together in that shed how it would serve such a huge purpose for me later in life. It has become therapy for me and it has saved me through one of the most difficult times in my life. It dug me out of a dark hole and it brought my joy back.
God uses the hard moments to be a blessing to others.
When I look back on life, I realize how amazing God is. He places things in your life for a reason. You won’t know it at the time, but one day you will understand why. Those days crafting in the shed with Mom were for a reason. God knew how precious they were and that they would help me one day get through the grieving process and the loss of her. It also has helped me become a light for others.
Through crafting on my Facebook page, I have met so many wonderful people that have truly been a blessing to me. There are so many of us that struggle with some sort of a loss in life and don’t know how to deal with it. I have had many people message me and thanking me for helping them get through a hard time. Crafting has become therapy for them too. God uses these hard moments to be a blessing to others. It makes me smile when I think about it. All the glory goes to God!
Another devasating day.
November 8, 2021 was another devastating day for me. I suffered another loss, my sweet Dad. It’s been hard and quite honestly, it’s been harder than losing my Mom. I think it because when I lost her, I still had him. Now they are both gone, but I know they are re-united in heaven and that makes me happy. Through crafting, I will get through it… again.
Be encouraged and find your joy!
I hope this has encouraged those of you who are in the grieving process to find your joy in something that was a special memory with your loved one that has passed. How can you honor their memory? What did you do together that you can do now to help you get through the pain of suffering their loss? At first it might be painful, but I promise you in the end it will help the healing process. You WILL find your Joy again. I can honestly say that Crafting through grief is what saved me AND I know it will save you too.
PIN for later!
I would love for you to follow me along on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and YouTube.
Here are some fun craft ideas to help you along on your healing journey!
- Upcycle a Dollar Tree Frame into Stunning Holiday Decor
- Halloween Apothecary Decorating Ideas
- Diy Mounted Reindeer
- Outdoor Fall Table
- Simple Fall Mantel
Happy Creating!
With love, Nikki ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this it let me no I wasn’t the only one savering from losing my mom to cancer this helps alot
You’re very welcome! I’m sorry for your loss and pain too. You are not alone! To know that my story has helped you means the world to me. Thank you for that. Hugs and prayers to you 💕🙏
Nikki,I was surfing fb one day and came across your post and I thought I love how you showed ,did a live video and had fun doing it. Felt connected because Im a huge crafter myself. I started following you.Then you did a give away I won and I was so tickled. I never win anything.lol your sweet personality and craft tips on a budget was amazing. I was hook. You sharing your Moms quotes sweet notes really got me. I miss my Mom terribly. Lost her last June 2021. So I connect with you on how your feeling the lost of Moms. Please keep your videos coming you keep me inspired. Friends from far Alabama will always be a fan of yours!!! 💞
Donna,
Thank you so much! I know how much you cared for and helped your Mom in her last days. I’m so sorry for your loss too. It is just so hard and there are no words. Thank you so much for your kind words and for letting me know that I have helped you. I will keep the crafts coming for all and for my mental health too. Hugs and prayers to you sweet friend.
Thank you Nikki for sharing your story. As I sit here reading and crying my eyes out, I feel for you and your family. I still have my parents but they are failing too, Dad is 90 and Mom is 84.
Sincerely,
Lori Andersen
You’re welcome, Lori. I’m sorry that I made you cry! You are so blessed and lucky to still have your parents. Cherish every moment. ❤️
Thank you, I needed to read this today ,it’s a low day. My husband ,my whole world ,was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year and died four months later. I always did crafting for all seasons and especially Christmas, he was always right there with me helping, encouraging and praising me .I love to make vintage Christmas wreaths with the vintage balls my husband and I collected for 25 years .Seeing the light shining from the balls makes me happy. Thank you for sharing your journey , it has made a difference!
You’re welcome and Thank you for sharing your story with me. Remember that you are allowed to have these types of days. I still have them too. Grieving is just something will never go away. Your husband sounded like he was a wonderful man. I’m so glad that you have found comfort in your wreath making. Hugs and prayers to you. ❤️
Nikki, I knew some of your story however this writing filled in all the blanks. You helped me through my grief when I lost my mom three years ago. As you know grief is something that doesn’t start and have a stopping date . I am so grateful that I connected with your page during that time and continue my crafting escapades. Thank you so much for sharing your story you are very helpful to a lot of people! Always keep that positive attitude and that cute giggle. God bless you
Thank you so much for letting me know that! I’m glad that my story has helped you. You are so right that there is not start or end date. It’s something that we will always deal with, but also have to learn to live with. Hugs and prayers to you and thank you for being a part of this journey ❤️
Thank you! I lost my Dad in 1984 he was 51, pancreatic cancer. Died 1 day after diagnosed.. very hard for long time. Mom was only 45 at the time. In 2000 Mom passed away from having lymphoma in 80s radiation to head caused problems. She was my best Friend. One day at a time is all we do.
Hugs your Amazing
You’re welcome, Kathy. I’m sorry for your loss of your Mom and Dad. Your dad was so young! We were both so lucky to have such wonderful Moms that we could call our best friends. Hugs and prayers to you. ❤️
Your story was so beautiful. Mother’s are such a blessing. I lost my mom in 2005 and felt so insecure knowing I wasn’t going to have any body that I could tell anything about ever thing.If that made since. I use to tell her if you ever die I want to go with you and she would say don’t talk that way. So I would think back and remember what she said and it would snap me back together again. Within a few months I sold my house in Murrieta and moved to Oklahoma. This was when I realized I had to stop acting like that and stop feeling sorry for myself. My family needed me so I prayed alot and knew I had to keep busy making my new house a home. I keeped really busy and started to heal. I also love to craft and did alot of crafting with my mom. I know she would be proud of me now. You never get over a death of a loved one but you need to try things that make you happy 😊 in a positive way. Thanks for listening or should I say reading. Your story is so inspiring and yes it helped me.
I’m sorry for your loss, Mary Ann. I understand exactly how what you went through. I would say the same things to my Mom too because I couldn’t imagine living without her here. Keeping busy was the key for me too and a lot of prayer! I’m sure that your Mom is smiling and beaming with pride and that she would want you to heal and find joy again. Interesting side note…my parents were kind of your neighbor. They lived in Menifee. Thank you for sharing your story! Have a blessed day!
Hi, Nikki,
I have been following you for a while. I lost my husband of 50 years 7 months ago. His passing has been a devastating loss for me. He was a very active 69-yr-old when he was diagnosed with melanoma cancer. He battled valiantly for four years and was in and out of the hospital for long periods of time. During his cancer journey is when I started crafting. It was a good distraction for me and he was my biggest cheerleader after I would complete a craft.
I am just now starting to get some interest in crafting again. I have challenges replacing my sadness with joy but I am going to grief support groups for help. I know in time I will heal but I am making sure i balance getting out with friends and also spending time alone to grieve. When your life has changed forever, it takes a while to adjust to your forever changed life. But I have my faith which is a blessing and a wonderful supportive family.
Thank you for sharing your story. I enjoy your crafts and I really think you are a genuinely kind person. I am sorry for your profound losses and I admire how you are carrying your Mom’s legacy of crafting and being creative. And your dad is smiling at you for that same reason. So I will see you crafting! I usually do not catch you LIVE so I am grateful for replays!!
Thank you for sharing your story, Gail. This helps me also. I’m sorry for your loss too. The grieving process is so important to go through and we all grieve in our own way. There is no right or wrong way to do it. I’m so glad that you are finding your joy through crafting because it sounds like that’s what your husband would want since he was your biggest cheerleader. I bet he is cheering for you each time you make something beautiful. Take comfort in knowing that. Thank you for following me along on this journey.❤️
Thank you so much for sharing. I, too lost my mom to cancer last May and I have recently had such a hard time without her. She was not only mom, but my very best friend. Being an only child, I think our bond was one that couldn’t be broken no matter what. I am taking hers and my step fathers ashes out tomorrow to spread and this in itself is as if I am reliving both of their deaths. I am praying that it will bring some peace , knowing I have fulfilled my promise to them. I loved “thrifting” with mom as well…..so many great memories and laughter I can still hear today❤️ Sorry for your loss and thank you for what you do.
Thank you for sharing your story too! I understand how you feel completely. Losing your best friend is the hardest thing to go through, but you had and still have a bond that cannot be broken with your sweet Mom. Just in a different way now. Cherish those sweet memories and honor their memory by living and enjoying the life that you have left. I pray for peace for you as you spread their ashes today and fulfill their wishes. My parents wish was that when they passed they would be buried together. My Mom was cremated and when my Dad passed we placed her urn in with my Dad and they are now together. It brought me so much peace knowing that I saw their wish through and I know that it will for you too!❤️
Nikki, thank you for sharing your story. It is amazing to know how God works in our lives. Sometimes we can see that as time flies by God has been working on us to prepare us for this tremendous change In Our lives. Losing our parents or a loved one is an unthinkable thing to go through. I have a story too, that one day I will share with you.
You are a bright light shining for all your followers. You are very sweet and inviting with a bubbly personality. Thank you for sharing.
You’re welcome, Karen. It is amazing how God works and I do believe that he prepares us for the road ahead. I look forward to hearing your story when you are ready to tell it. Thank you so much for your kind words❤️
I am a crafter. I have been a crafter for many years. I lost my Mother 2 and 1/2 years ago. I cry every day. My Mother, my very best friend. Like you, Mother and I talked on the phone at least three times a day. Every craft I ever made, I made for her. She loved everything I made and either used it or displayed it till the day she died. The whole year after she died I did not craft. I didn’t want to. She wasn’t here to receive my gifts. But one day I discovered that I enjoyed the tutorials on FB and the groups on FB and I felt inspired. Now I craft every day. I always tell Mother that i am making this for her because I know she would love it but I find that my friends love them almost as much as she did. I thank God for giving me the ability to craft. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hi Nikki,
I am a crafter. I have been a crafter for many years. I lost my Mother 2 and 1/2 years ago. I cry every day. My Mother, my very best friend. Like you, Mother and I talked on the phone at least three times a day. Every craft I ever made, I made for her. She loved everything I made and either used it or displayed it till the day she died. The whole year after she died I did not craft. I didn’t want to. She wasn’t here to receive my gifts. But one day I discovered that I enjoyed the tutorials on FB and the groups on FB and I felt inspired. Now I craft every day. I always tell Mother that i am making this for her because I know she would love it but I find that my friends love them almost as much as she did. I thank God for giving me the ability to craft. Thank you for sharing your story.
Hi Pam. Thank you for sharing your story about your beautiful Mom. I don’t have any doubt that she is still cheering you on from above and I am so glad that you found your joy in crafting again. It is definitely a blessing from God to give us the ability to create through the grief and bring joy not only to ourselves, but to others. Have a great day!
Losing parents is the hardest thing I’ve had to go through in my 69 years of living. To have the memories gets me through the days. God bless you for sharing. You brought joy to my heart today.
Thank you so much, Robin. I’m so thankful that we have the memories to help us and to help their legacy live on. Have a beautiful day.❤️
Thank you for sharing! I lost my dad in 2014. He was on hospice, and I had moved in with my parents to help take care of both of them because my mom had gotten sick too. He too passed quickly, and I will NEVER regret that time even though it was so hard! Fast forward a bit my momma moved in with me. At times it was hard having her live with me, because we both have strong personalities. However, again I wouldn’t trade this time for anything! I’m December of 2020 we got Covid and it hospitalized my momma. A horrible way to lose someone. She was away from me for two weeks before I had to make the decision to remove her from the ventilator. I do finally get to go to the hospital to see her take her last breath. I thought because I had been through this with my dad, it would be easier. It was not! I lost my connection to my dad and was now an orphan, even though I was an adult. When you have lost both parents, it is a very lonely feeling. I too know that my parents are together worshipping our Savior, but I miss them both with every fiber of my being! I’m still trying to figure out how to work through my grief. Thanks for being real!
Thank you for sharing your story too! It is a very lonely feeling losing your parents. The feeling of being an orphan is so true! I guess it just doesn’t matter at what age you lose them, you just feel lost. Praying that you find a way to work through your grief.
Thankyou for sharing your story. I enjoyed reading every word. Even though you have been through much sadness and loss, you have repaired your broken heart by continuing to craft and create beautiful items in your mother’s memory. Celebrate each and every day by doing what helps you most……helping others !!!! God bless you Niki. 💕
You’re welcome, Carol. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement.❤️